365 days TOGETHER! wE aRe OnE BIG fAmIlY

Tuesday, March 14, 2006

Dear Diary..

hmm.. finally i am updating again.. x) hmm, my com went crazy again.. wahahs.. this few days, i hab been working hard on my emath.. hmm, i like math more and more.. i not gonna slack anymore.. its time to work hard to achieved what is really my standard already.. ;)

i have not being talking to my family for days.. noit because i am still angry, but kind of still feeling strange and odd, i got nothing to talk to them anymore.. it isnt the happy family i have once.. i realised that home is not a place for me to share my worries and happiness but just a place to sleep and rest.. nothhing more than tht.. my dad&mum is worry i am getting more and more anti social. .and worry abt me.. i just need nothing but both of oyur love.. why does money come over everything? seriosuly, i dun even feel lyk opening my mouth when i saw them, we have nothing more to talk about.. it's like am i still belong to tht family? today mr koh say i am nobody's child.. i kind of think through during amath.. its true.. so wad i have parents, i look like nobody childs.. mr koh, perhaps really you are right..

is it superteen tht caused me and my parents to result in such stuff.. of cos not.. after tht i know what i really wan.. it no longer the physcial needs but the love and care tht when i loss it when i am young, when both of you are busy working.. you know? tht feeling.. you guys can go ahead calling me unappreciative.. but who really get to know how i feel? not even mr koh.. cos i really think i took up too much of his time.. i am definetly closer to godpa than to my own parents.. it made me kind of glad at least, i isnt alone.. but sstill i am nobody child.. i feel hurt to see happy families.. how abt mine? once i hab but now? i just keep buried myself with more school work.. radio and blah blah stuff.. i no longer can face the fact tht i am alone.. i'm lack of parental love.. whats the different?

sometime, even i also pity myself.. i pity my mum.. i feel guilty.. of cos, i know they love me, but did they ever express out? they think money take over everything.. i have good phone.. good mp3.. but does it really matter than love? you all know how lonely and afriad i am.. i wanna tell mr koh all this.. but does he deserved to suffer like this like me.. i no longer wanna be his burden.. i just wish to tell my mum and dad, speent some of your time with me.. i really miss all those days tht the whole family is together.. don't force me to hide myself at my friend house almost every night.. if not when you all are back, i am sleeping.. pls don't ok..

i really hope mr koh wil lsee this.. tis will thus explain everything tht wadever i promised him is not fulfilled.. why again, i didnt keep my promise.. why everytime i rely so much on him.. why? i just wanna tell you tht, i really get so afriad of life.. and i really dunno what to do already.. i am kind of loss, yet i have to act happy in school.. i gonna breakdown soon.. i just hope you dun mind being my listner ear, no matter when or what.. i really fear of losing you.. losing you as someone i can depend on is the sense of telling you and sharing with you everything i am afraid.. letting you guide me through this darkness.. i really fear.. i know i cant possibly rely on you for life.. but for the time being, til i fully recovered.. you might be thinking,. why is it you.. cos well, i just have the trust in you.. its beyong explaination.. but just this word trust between you as my godpa and teacher.. i am sorry if i made you mad, but i myself sometime also dunno wad i am doing..

hmm, i really so afraid now.. even getting the highest in class for math, i didnt let my family know.. does they know everything tht i really want to let them know.. but no doubt, i love my mum&dad.. hais.. can they just spend some of their time with us.. eversince new year apssed, we didnt have a dinenr together.. a chat.. nothing.. sigh..

life became so frightening.. well, there emath tml.. mayb i will get mr koh to my blog to take a look on wad i really feel like saying.. there still stuff, i tend to hide from him.. but he is the person i trust and believed the most now.. i not gonna care abt wad other teachers gonna think abt me.. they might say i admire mr koh.. well, as long as i know i didnt it means didnt.. he's my godpa.. hais.. why are teachers full of jealousy.. motivate me then.. if you are jealous of the treatment.. isnt teachers bias too? whatever..

godpa, there are still 2 more things i hab not complete.. 1) i havent put him down yet.. he play a role in my life.. it isnt easy.. gimme somemore time.. i will try.. i am really sorry..
2) i still cannot overcome myself with the problem of my family.. i know you are gonna say i am weak again.. yups, i am.. but i iwl ltyr not to..i hope you will continued to give me advised and led me out of here..

to my him: i really miss you.. beside missing you, i dunno what else to tell you..

hmm, there is chemistry tml.. followed by math.. another fun day for me.. i kena suan by mrs lim, saying other ppl dunno really like math or with motive? well, i can tell you, i hab no motive.. i like math.. and i like the way i been motivated.. godpa, if really you got a chance to see this, don;t bother abt wad other teachers say, cos they dun understand whats the real meaning of superteens.. x)

i been ask by godpa to speak to some principals with my others friends.. sound cools.. but i dunno wad to sya.. well, it seriously reflect how the school interact me over the past few years.. see the attitude changes.. ;) i feel kind of alright with it.. as long as it can help the school i am willing.. well, i hab the passion for school.. cos it my home.. with tears and joys.. ahahx..

currently listening to the graduation song, i know i will cry when tht day come.. hmm, 4E3.. A A A A A A A! 7A1s.. hahx.. love everyone in my life.. i am sorry godpa, i know i break our promise again.. well, thanks for everything you hab try to done for me.. i appreciate you... thanks.. well, smae goes to my mum & dad, i just hope more time on me.. i will be realy happy..

i am still waiting for your msg.. do i meant something to you?

you left me a wonderful memories that i will never forget.
;11:12 PM