365 days TOGETHER! wE aRe OnE BIG fAmIlY

Thursday, June 08, 2006

Dear Diary..

After of so much upsetting about the lying incident, i felt better now. thanks to ppl who are always around me no matter how much stupid stuff happen, you ppl know who you are. thanks.

that's the first time i found true friendship and i really will cherish them so much that, the time spent will always be worthwhile. he might not being able to appreciate me, but well, i know my friends do. i'm not going to break any little promises between us, even though, you already chosen yours. he must be enjoying himself then.. i still have the feeling of backing out for the bbq planner. but my class say, if i dun plan, they dun turn up.. see, how much they are there to support me and i love you ppl too.. there will be a trip to sheng siong with him wen he's back from aust. but i doubt, i will go.. mayb think of some reason since nysa and rai will be going.. i shall not tagged along.

shirely went to drink ytd, with me.. emily.. lin jia.. talk things out and have really a fruitful chats. i didnt cry but just some thoughts came back. hmm, i didnt drink cos i promise him and someone who always impt to me, i will not touched vodka again. so i didnt.. know he did lie in some sense, but well.. i wun do stuff to hurt myself as well as him. i am a grown up.=)

i am tired, tired of feeling hatred towards him.. cos he did change some parts of my life. i did not address him this few days " mr koh" " godpa" i didnt have the faith tht i will call him that when he's back. i call him " tht person" it's kind of weak between me and this person, but there just one thing i thought, he wun lie to me. until now, i heard nothing say nothing think nothing about it. he chose not to explain when he saw the last sms, i send.. i got nothing more to say.

no doubt, i do feel hurt but does it mean i have to be treated like tht for my whole life? must he wait until i really ignore him then i will be cherish. perhaps, this sound more for me and this person.. but he's just someone i respect and loved as a family. i know i am stupid. i might be happy-go-lucky, but no one know me better than you, cos i shared almost my inner fears and sercret with you, perhaps, this result me to be so fan to you.

life, sometime is just so unfair. the person who treat you good, will never be cherished by you. but those who do things randomly will get your cravings. i just wish to know why.

this few days i have been going out with peeps and my darlings. it's fun and shirely will be flying over to bangkok tml, good luck and i love you! i will be meeting jian lin on the third week.. will he too, dun appreciate what i have done for him? i do not know, maybe..

i saw doug with 2 girls just now, dunno why, i do felt abit sad for him.. but i dun like him.. i know what is admire the feelings but i dun lyk douglas as in the sense of wanting to have more than friendship with him. hais.. i dunno, i'm feeling quite numb nowadays.

i do not know how to face him when he's back from aust.. mayb this are all the talking i will still accept who he's after he talk and stuff.. actually i hope i will accept him and treated him like what i used to. cos i worry, i wil lstart to detest math, mayb he dun have such a big impact but i dunno. suddenly looking back at all the smses, is he still the person i know?

tml, i will send shirely to the airport, no doubt.. i will look at the flying off thing and think of this person.. hais.. why do you choose to destroy our mutual trust.

i follow my heart or rather the instinct, to sms my long-time-no-see-brother. if will be a dissapointment to this person if he know about it.. but you do let me disapoint why cant i do the same thing? hais.. but, i wun feel tht upset anymore, cos this past weeks, i have training, and i dun really craving for anything else.. just peace and love.

hmm, thank you for letting me know who is my real friends, thank you for treating me like a big big fool.. thank you for giving me a chance to taste the feeling of waiting aimlessly. thank you for everything you have done due to your lying. where's your integrity? where's your feelings towards us? where's your heart that care for us? let's wait, for him to be back.. i will not go and ask him for an explaination but i will just kept my mouth shut and do my planning. thankyou.

i never been so sarcastic to him before, saying such mean thing to made him guilty, but i just hope, when you are back, you are still my once upon the time respectable teacher. thankyou, for letting me to feel numb right from the start.

jian lin promise to meet me on the third week, i going bonkers and stuff.. my chemistry still unable to catch up, and i know, i am stupid lah. perhaps, i trust people to easily.. thanks for hurting me.. cos you allow me to grow up.

i cut my hair, for a change, i have enough.. when will you be back? how will you feel when you see the card? guilt? perhaps no, you will still think we are stupid. just a smile when you saw my card is what i wrote at the ending, but will you smile? hais..

i'm currently following my heart, cos i know i must do that. i love ppl around me and i dun love that person truck lot.. mayb abit bahs.

cherish me before i really gone.

you left me a wonderful memories that i will never forget.
;11:16 PM