365 days TOGETHER! wE aRe OnE BIG fAmIlY

Thursday, June 29, 2006

Dear Diary..

first of all, HAPPY BITHDAY TO DEAR MR CHEN! =)

school have been super busy for everyone especially the seniors who are taking part in the art fest and chairperson for food and funfair. everything is just hellish. everything dun seem to be working well.

i start to lose the leadership in myself. the self-confident i always have also gone. just suddenly, everything became a very big challenge and burden. due to it our last year running the events, mr lee sc have high expectations in us. but as the so called chairperson, i have done nth. i always let mr lee pissed off with me, saying stuff like it's the last day already. i feel seriously bad and i dun think i can be the leader of the committee. thos juniors are noth working well with us due to out timetable and their are not the same. therefore there's really little chances to talk to one another. but well, i just wished to apologize to mr lee sc, he really treat us nice but i was like keep getting on his nerves. i have no idea why, but i'm fustrated at myself. hais, maybe bah, i shldnt even take part due to my poor time management.

class event and stuff are not settled yet. food and stuff. when muz we get it and everything also not done yet. wad do you wan me to do. hais, collecting $ for food and funfair cos i know those ppl in my class will drag unless i'm throwing my temper. hais.. after all this stuff, i might wanna take a real good rest. godpa said he doesnt mind tht i am involved cos it's part of the school. hais.. but i feel really bad of keep bugging him if i can skip math the next day. well, godpa, i dun feel nice abt it too. i hate myself for telling you tht : "godpa, can dun go math tml?" or " mr koh, i cant go math ttml lehs." or i have to tell mr lee : " there's math tml til 530" everyday, 24 hrs are not enuff for my own use and also we have to divide equally to math and stuff.. and ms haryani just stressed tht wed is offically for f&n + d&t. and can heard the pissed off voice when we say there's math. saturday is worst. all the tchers are fighting to get the time slot and well, we have to be lyk snatching by the teachers. no doubt, they love us but sumtime, can you ppl keep the fighting to yourself and dun voice it out to us. wad can students do? skip lesson or dun attend all. it isnt our fault tht we are bz, the school events made us bz, the teachers made us bz. hais.. i am sorry godpa.

ytd have a nice chat with godpa, talking about some stuff and my attitude thing. he say if i cantinue behaving lyk tht, i dun call him godpa. hais, my fault again. =( called me a gang leader to ms juli tan and i have to help in ensuring the class good and bad stuff. there's just so much thing tht seem undone. and 4Es are seriously stress abt everything.

school is alright today despite the fact tht there's PE after school, wad a weird decision made by the management team. but my class seem high today about the afternoon PE time slot. haha.. well, have a 2.4km run with rach and ppl who acc me. thankyou! and of cos, i pass~ ;) this few days, i have really bad days, when rushing for math, i fall down and paint topple on the floor and made a mess out of it. art fest planning isnt smooth sailing. and most imptly, my class event seem untouched due to i'm super bz already. hais.

today there's 4 period of math due to we drop away our poa, ms juli tan was lyk talking to us. hais, there's isnt any teaching but she's there to assit us when we do not know how to do any question. and it ended quite fast cos the few of us are doing our stuff. and i finish the whole worksheet again. there's emath tml again. hais! i already knew tht, and i keep messing up my schedule.

today emath, godpa taught vectors. but however, i was like keep dreaming and thinking about some problems tht have been bugging me for days tht no one seriously no one knew anything abt it. cos, i dun feel lyk sharing about so personal stuff. godpa was creating lame jokes to me, which in fact, i didnt smile in his lesson. superman? spider? and saying i'm a pet. usually i will say him back, but today, i am seriously tired and dun feel lyk talking. did smile when i am doing my poster and stuff.. and thanks godpa, he actually tot of scrubbing the floor for me due to the clumsness tht i accidentally pour the paint on the floor. thanks godpa. your action did touched me. well, but he's a bz man and a teacher how can he be scrubbing the floor? so eventually he didnt do anything but say will help me ask mr lee dun scold me. but, during breaktime.. when mr lee was scolding me, he accidentally walk past me and when he heard mr lee, he ran off as fast as possible. arghs! =( and well, i got scolded today for at least 4 times. hais.. and when i am in the general office talking to mr lee, godpa was like keep saying, so did she scrub the floor? and keep laughing at my stupidness.. argh! he's bullying me lah! but after tht he gave me a lollipop which taste like medicine! =x

cant belive it the true, i feeling so stress now. and i wun have a good rest til everything end. hais, i felt lyk i am a fool tht been turning around by you. am i just tht nothing? hais, i do not know anything. but i know me and godpa are getting on better each day. and keep asking him to buy me kinder surprise. why are there jealousy? well, there is math tml, i do not know how, audition is tml too. and i got to be there but it's not my event anyway. but well, it just helping out. hais. olevel oral is coming soon. mine is schedule on next wed. which is my flea market. hais.

i have been thinking about so much things for so many days. true or false. and i have beeen like avoiding you. and i used to walk the way but whenever i saw you i will think of lots of excuses to change direction. you create the fear. hais.. i do not know why i am behaving like this. maybe i am stupid. tht's wad you always think about me isnt it? yup, i am stupid. i admit.

godpa:
thanks godpa, i am glad you tot of helping me scrubbing the floor which you dun even have to. i know you are bz but at least you bother to care tht i will get scolded by mr lee. you dun have to give a damn about me, but you did it eventually. hais. i know if is other ppl who ask to skip lesson, you will reject immediately. but i always took your weakness and kindness for granted and keep bugging and begging you to cancel math, give me time for my art. let me rest. sleep in your class.. but you didnt scold me at all. i am glad i have your understanding, i will pay you back the time tht i spent on my art festival. it's equally impt to me. i dun give a damn about teachers who are speaking behind my back. i know there are still alot of ppl who are trying to be nice to me to win my trust. but i know i didnt do anything wrong by putting art fest and math in my first piority and e3s. maybe ppl think tht i do math and stuff, to gain your attention? have a motive? or rather liking you just to spent more time with you. i dun care wad ppl are saying behing my back cos i know none of them are the reason. i hurt you enough, and i will not. i am sorry. and i put math in my first piority cos you earn my respect. and i know just follow wad you say will never be wrong. hais.. there's lot of problems in me, you will never know wad happen. and i felt really clueless and helpless sometime. i might not be the best leader in greenridge. but when i am given a chance i will not waste it. it's my last year, let me continue to do wad i love. after art fest, i promise all my time will be put on math. sorry. beside sorry i do not know wad else to say to you. hais.

i'm currently feeling loss and do not know wad to do. give me time, i might think through. mayb it's time i face reality alone and not dragging anyone into the matter. i knew i sucks.. is it by trusting ppl too much is also my weakness? perhaps bah.. i am stupid enough to believe you.

I LOVE YOU GODPA! THANKYOU! =)

give me time, i need to think.

you left me a wonderful memories that i will never forget.
;8:16 PM